Moms Making the Difference: Carrying the Mental Load Behind the Scenes 💜

• To celebrate the 1 year anniversary of Parenting REdefined Newsletter, I am sharing the most loved & commented issue below, published in May 2025. ENJOY!!

• Noriko's Notes is new so keep reading until the end!

💌 Forward this to a mom or grandmother you admire—someone who’s showing up day after day, carrying the mental load, and doing the hard, invisible work of parenting. Let her know she’s seen, appreciated, and not alone in this journey. 💜

➡️🔗www.NorikoAbenojar.com/Newsletters to view past newsletters

➡️🔗www.NorikoAbenojar.com/Masterclass ~ check them out!!

➡️Keep reading even more for: NORIKO’S NOTES: sharing my life’s simple joys 💜

Originally published on May 13, 2025

This week we are continuing to celebrate MOMS because it is still Mother's Day Week!!!

In my work, I sit with so many moms (and the primary caregiver grandmothers out there!) who are the ones:

• Attending school meetings, doctor’s appointments, or my sessions

• Fiercely advocating for their child’s needs

• Driving from school to appointments and back again

• Remembering which foods their child will and won’t eat this month

• Noticing their child’s social struggles—then looking for ways to help

• Learning alongside their child, even when no one is giving them credit
  

They’re also the ones staying up late to read articles (my newsletters too! Yay and thank you!!), texting back and forth with other parents, or showing up emotionally and physically—again and again—for their kids.

And while there are absolutely amazing dads, stepdads, uncles, and other caregivers doing this work too, this week I want to shine the light on the women I see most often on the front lines. 💜

If you’re a mom or grandmother carrying the emotional weight of the family and trying to get it “right,” even when it feels hard…

If you’re the one who’s advocating, learning, and gently redirecting behavior day after day…

If you’ve ever felt invisible in that role—
Let this be your reminder:

✨ You are doing deeply important work. ✨

Even when it doesn’t feel like progress…
Even when your child can’t make the changes yet...
Even when the people around you don’t fully understand what it takes—and may even make you really mad…

You are shaping your child’s world—and their capacity to thrive in it.

💜 Let’s Talk About Step Zero: Supporting YOU

Remember that step zero is about managing your own emotions before you can even move onto Step 1 of ANY parenting strategy. Before you can support our kids, you have to start with yourself.

Here are some real-world, doable ideas to carve out moments of calm in the chaos:

✅ Take the long way home.
Give yourself a few extra quiet minutes in the car between errands or pickups. Deep breaths and silence go a long way in helping you reset before facing the next transition.

✅ Start a voice message routine.
Apps like Voxer make it easy to send voice messages to trusted friends without needing both people free at the same time. Vent, share, laugh and send, knowing that your friend will listen when they are available.

✅ Create one small “anchor” routine.
Whether it’s lighting a candle at night, a cup of tea at 2pm, or setting your planner for 5 minutes each morning—choose something grounding to help you feel a little more settled even if everything else feels unpredictable.

✅ Tag in, tag out.
Have a pre-set plan with your partner, parent, friend, or babysitter for when you’re emotional tank is running low. A 15-minute solo walk or a break behind a closed door can do wonders.

✅ Never go to tough meetings alone.
Whenever possible, attend IEPs, evaluations, or feedback sessions with a partner, advocate, or trusted support person (like me!). It’s not just for notes—it’s so you can debrief and emotionally recover after.

✅ Pick a “don’t do” list.
Instead of adding more, subtract something. Maybe it’s a house chore, a social obligation, or even a parenting expectation you can shelve for now. You don’t need to do it all.

✅ Use visual cues for support.
Put a sticky note on your bathroom mirror that says: “Breathe. You don’t need to solve everything today.

To every mom (and grandma) showing up in a hundred quiet ways each day: I see you. Your work is real. Your presence is powerful. And your child is growing stronger because of you.

NORIKO'S NOTES: sharing my life's simple joys💜

October is breast cancer awareness month- a topic near and dear to my heart.

If you haven’t scheduled your mammogram yet, please do it. Don’t skip your health appointments, no matter how busy life gets.

Lately, in addition to following Dr. Marie Claire Haver’s work on women’s health and midlife wellness, I’ve also been learning from Dr. Stacy Sims, a researcher and exercise physiologist who has dedicated her career to understanding how women’s bodies respond differently to exercise, hormones, and recovery throughout life. She has a ton of useful information on strength building in peri/post menopausal years on youtube. I am also reading (btw, if I ever say 'read', I ALWAYS mean listen) to her book "Next Level". It has reshaped the way I think about what/how/when I feed my body and how to build strength in this stage of my life.

Thank you for letting me share my simple joy💜.

Gratefully yours,

Noriko

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Noriko Abenojar, MSW PPS

Parenting REdefined

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